momma was a user
found sanity in between that high she felt and getting over on someone else
don't know if she was more addicted to drugs or men
skipping AA meetings or aborting children
she kinda just went with the flow
so when the last bottle was emptied it was time for her to go
no drug of choice
just a good time girl looking for the next party
skipping town to town dodging tabs and credit card frauds
she wasn't raised like this
daughter of a preacher
guess God's words couldn't reach her or the pressure was to much
when life got to tough she split
stuffed clothes in a bag and threw it over her back
gave the house one last look back
and then never came back
she was only 16
sex and drugs was all she'd learn about living
long lost love for self
searched for it from a buzz or in someone else
wish she had looked in the mirror and seen past her problems
saw that its never to late to solve them until you give up
saw what everybody else could
a red bone song bird name robin
black hair down her back
two dimpled cheeks
long legs made for lusting
men loved her
and she loved the stage
rock side to side as the piano played
contralto voice let out some Billie Holiday
tight red dress showing just enough cleavage with a split to her thigh
she was queen in those gentleman's eyes
she couldn't see it
rock star lifestyle wasted her talent
so innocent in the children's choir she had discovered
guess she forgot to let her own light shine
so far from that place now
maybe having a child would of slowed momma down
last thing she needed, more baggage
so she just returned to an old habit
momma didn't know sometimes you need a heavy load
to accept that you're grown
now laying there is that same 16 year old
by herself
with an invisible tombstone that reads
momma was an abuser
lover not a fighter
i just wish she'd loved either one of us enough
to give us a fighting chance
but momma i still love you
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